The Ambiguously Gay Duo

Meet Ace and Gary. The average crime fighting duo in a quest to rid the world of evil. Ace is the leader of the duo. He is a mentor to Gary, and calls him “friend of friends”. Ace has an array of superpowers reminiscent of Superman. Gary is the other member of the duo. He is younger and less experienced than Ace. Gary has fewer superpowers and fit more in the sidekick role.

Their dialogue is full of homosexual innuendo; they have said to “stick it in the hole, don’t play with it” when talking about electric plugs, to name just one example

Their clothing tend to contain thongs and shorts which are too small and tight for them. Their car is shaped like a huge penis and can fire white, semen-like rays.Ace pats Gary on the rear quite often.They disguise themselves as the Village People while entering a “hetero” bar.Their fighting techniques are questionable for heterosexual superheroes. Gary sits and thrusts on Ace while Ace flies and shoots lasers, they attack a gigantic monster by flying into its rear, and they very often use sexual-looking positions as fighting techniques like Gary’s “sucking off”. When fighting a monster robot, they penetetrate it from its rear.

Gary picks something up near Ace to look like he is performing fellatio.They form a “ball” grabbing each other’s crotch with their mouth to roll over the villains. Their X-ray vision is used to see if men are concealing weapons in their crotches. They get more interested in men’s crotches after looking close.

Despite these examples, every episode finds room for debate on whether Ace and Gary are gay, or whether there is a reasonable, heteronormative explanation for their actions. The joke lies in the supporting characters’ willingness to discount the overwhelming evidence. In many ways this lampoons the willfull ignorance of much of mainstream America. For their part, Ace and Gary will only admit to being “. . . gay like a fox”.

Click the images below to see the episodes. 

Safety tip from Ace and Gary:

“The buddy system should always be used for potentially unsafe situations like swimming, bike riding and showering. “

Impeachment

Exactly! Another impeachment complaint has been filed today. A rehash of the previous one. I don’t know much about the proceedings or anything about the law for that matter, all I know is that I am sick and tired of it. I don’t know about you but I’m fed up with this whole circus. I’d much rather let the current president stay in the office because she is more watched now than ever. I know she wouldn’t do anything stupid now that all eyes are on her. Plus, there’s no one to replace her with. I’m not saying that the president is innocent, I’m not taking her side, nor am I saying an investigation is wrong. Aaah, let them burn in hell. You know who would make a great president? Me, because I’m a genius.

Groundhog Day

A client reminded me of this movie this afternoon. He had this looping thing going on. He asked me if I’ve seen this movie because that was how he felt. Stuck in Grounghog Day. It all came back to me. The same day looping back. How cool would it be to get away with anything, to do whatever you want to do, not worrying about what will happen afterwards, no consequences. Not even death. Man I could tell my boss, ey dude, I need a raise. Pronto! Hmm..but then I would have to ask for it again the next day and payday would never come. That sucks. Hmm But who needs a job?  Who needs money when you can steal! Yeah that would be so cool. I wonder what I’d steal first. I’ve always wanted to know how it feels to be a criminal. I wonder if I’d get fat if I eat all day. And to all of them assholes, man I could shit on their faces, everyday. And the next day I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing. I’ll be like, “hey man, you ate my shit yesterday”. I wonder if I’d ever get tired of it. What would you do if you got stuck in Groundhog Day?

Major League Jackass

Had a caller earlier that really ticked me off. What a prick! He wanted me to help him but he doesn’t listen to me. He kept ranting about how it was working at different locations, why not here?! I’ve already done this before!  Thats what he kept repeating. And when I asked him to give me moment to check the eqiupment he said “no offense but that was the first thing you should’ve done”.  But being the bigger man I let it pass and went on checking. Everything seemed to check out okay, so I asked him if we could check some of the settings to which he agreed. And the moment I said click on tools, he flipped out! He said that he doesn’t want to mess around with the configuration. Asked him for his Ip, he doesn’t know where to find it. I thought you we’re an expert at this!! Damn redneck know-it-all! So I said, “hmmm, okay sir it seems like you are a jackass, I’m sorry sir our system is not compatible with those and we don’t support them.”

Wasting Time

I’ve been sitting here just wasting time. Listening to some music, thinkin’, trying to free my mind. It’s been a couple of hours in this smokey room. Drinkin’ Boones, eatin’ shrooms, writting tunes, hoping to get one of these mutherfuckin’ songs a hit. (courtesy of Mr. R.J. Ritchie) I don’t know why I get hooked with Kid Rock. I don’t know why I like the son of a bitch’s music. He’s known for his rock tunes, for being so cocky at it. I guess I sense some truth in his songs. I sense the depth, some soul in his music. Especially that song Abortion, man it stirs up something inside me. Lonely Road of Faith is a classic! And I also know where he is coming from, very diverse background. I also like the music he loves. ACDC, ZZ Top, Skynyrd, Bob Seger, Hank Williams Jr., Metallica, Korn. Even Metallica, Sheryl Crow, Eminem, Snoop say he’s amazing. Im not surprised. He’s into country lately, guess he’s giving props to his heroes. Country, rock, rap. Watch out Mr. Kid Rock, I’m gonna work with you when I make it big. Hah, what?!

Easy Like Sunday Morning

It’s sunday. Ain’t got nothing to do. Easy, I love that Faith No More version. I loved Faith No More. One of those under-rated bands. For me at least. Feel like their efforts went unnoticed. Especially here in the Philippines. All of them hard-core shit goin’ aroud, man they should pay tribute to the originators. I still listen to their music and I can’t believe they made it in the early 90’s. My brother was the one who introduced their music to me. I was about 7 or 8, probably 9. I remember thinking, wow what is this? Got hooked instantly. Browsing thru my music archive earlier,  their music still makes me feel good. I called my brother and told him about their “best of” album. We listened to a couple of tracks. He still acts like an idiot  like he did back then. Singin’ along, rappin’ along. He makes up his own lyrics (that absolutely doesn’t make any sense). But it’s all good. Now that’s what you call feel-good music.

How Graphic Can You Be?

I’ve never been more proud to be a Mandauehanon. That’s all I can say. It speaks for itself. Let it speak to you.

Note: This sign is located in Centro Mandaue, Cebu. Right beside Chowking and suson lumber 

Small, Extra Small or Extra Extra Small?

Here I am again, in my constant battle against stupidity. Day after day I feel a little weaker, a little more weary. I feel powerless against the insurmountable opposition. For crying out loud, why are they letting idiots teach? Are they trying to create an army of imbeciles? Are they trying to wipe out the race of intellectuals? And what are they going to teach? No wonder they are multiplying. I just thought it just rubs off.

Stuff that the teacher might be teaching the army: (real conversations and emails)
“put your shoes on someone’s place so you can feel what it….”
“pleasure and lots of FooDs “
“his beepers keeps on ..”
“So if we put our shoes on theirs, what a tough job, isn’t it!?! “
“we were astound by the..”
“made me realized..”
“you have all you needed..”

 
And the list goes on. so, how big do you think is the teacher’s brain? Really smal, extra small or extra extra small?

If you think you’ve said these things to me, chances are you’re a
retard. 

So you think you’re smart just because you’ve read The Da Vinci Code?

Man, everywhere I go I hear idiots talking about the goddamn Da Vinci code. In the jeepney, in the office, everywhere. My idiot-meter has been going berserk lately. They talk about religious documents and about how the book changed their views. These morons don’t even know that Dan Brown have other books. That’s probably the only book they’ve read. I wish I could carry a gun around so that I can blow their heads off. I don’t even want to talk about the inconsistencies of that fuckin’ book. I don’t blame Brown for it. People are idiots. They’ll believe anything you tell them. Just put in some obscure document from an obscure research and poof! instant best-seller. People are retards. They don’t even know anything about the apostles or anything about the Bible. Here’s an example. I’m sure everyone knows that ’80s song “We Are The World” check out the lyrics..”As God has shown us by turning stone to bread” . When did God do that?! The only reference I remember was when Jesus was being tempted. I must have the wrong version of the Bible because I can’t find that anywhere!

Half acoustic + Half electric = CRAP

Have you been to SM lately? Ever heard that annoying guitar sound?? I’m sure you have. It’s near Watson’s, right outside Bibo. I hate having to go around that area. I mean they sound like some charismatic group. They’re selling acoustic guitars? They sound like shit! It looks acoustic but it doesn’t sound like it, it sounds electric but not really. One word, CRAP! And the people who buy or go over and pretend like they know anything about guitars or music for that matter are idiots. And what makes me an expert, you say? How about 17 freakin’ years of shredding the hell out of any axe I come across. Been playing since I was six so don’t get me started with guitars. Most people don’t know that about me. Probably because I have eased up the past couple of years. Anyway, them mofos selling the guitars don’t know squat either. I mean, ccooommmmeee oooonnn… I’m sick of hearing “Wonderful Tonight”. Don’t get me wrong, I love Eric Clapton but that song is so worked up. What ever happened to the Flamenco? Ey morons, why don’t you play “Circles” by the Satch man?! Or better yet, you know what I would pay to see? If you guys pick one of your shitty guitars and wack each other’s faces!

PUSSYWHIPPED

Pussywhipped : When a male of the species will not do anything against his significant other’s wishes for fear that she will retaliate by not performing sexual favors for him.

Yup, that’s what I am. But I can’t complain. I don’t even put up a fight. Just look at that devilish smile. Seriously, I can’t even begin to imagine what she has to put up with. Me. She means the world to me and I don’t know what I’d do without her. She sees the good in everything there is to see. Sometimes I wonder what she ever sees in me. She polished up my halo and I just dirtied up her soul. I know this might sound cazy but I’d end my life for you. You know I don’t want to  but hey, I’d do it for you.

X-MEN: the last stand SUCKS!

The last installment of the X-MEN trilogy sucks so much ass! Why did Jean Grey have to die?! I would have loved to see Wolverine and her finish what they started. She looked so hot! I wouldn’t have stopped if I was Wolverine. He is such an idiot. He had Jean all for himself with that moron Cyclops out of the picture. It would’ve been so great to see  Wolverine and Jean’s little hellion running around kicking everybody’s ass. Imagine a kid with an adamantium skeleton with claws who can incinerate people. Man I wish my dad was Wolverine and my mom was the Phoenix. 

SAVE YOUR OWN LIFE, PLEASE WAIT FOR THE ANSWER (batch 5 aniversary special)

If you don’t know how deep the pool really is, please don’t jump. I have to hand it to you Mags, it took a lot of guts to jump. But you shoud’ve checked. There are signs that tell you how deep it is.  And people please, pay attention when somebody is asking you a question. If you don’t know the answer then just say that you don’t know. Someone else’s life depends on you. And Mags, don’t believe that ” he who hesitates is lost” shit. It will get you killed.